You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
