i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
