Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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