a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize