he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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