you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
