so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
