Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
