u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
