just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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