i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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