She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
sex in a hospital.. check
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
