walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
