Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
