Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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