Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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