I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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