I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
please come you make the beer taste better
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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