So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
