He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
