you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
