Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
