I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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