We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
