how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
