there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
