tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
