y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
