if you like me you must not know who I am
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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