I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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