Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
