i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
