That's when you crack a 10am beer
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
is that a dick in a sweater?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
