sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
