I'm passing your future prison.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
