she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
