I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
