We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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