Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
