Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
