whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
