Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
everyone is single if you try hard enough
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
