do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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