if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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