I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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