He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
