that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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