I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
