Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
