I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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