this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
