Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
