I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
