just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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