her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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