I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
