Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just forgot I was standing up.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
