you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
