the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
