If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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