Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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