just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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