Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
