fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
