so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
