im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
