I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
