My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
