Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
