Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Randomize
